Rabbi's Blog

Tonight, I invite you to ask yourself a question that only you can answer: If not now, when? Let this question reverberate throughout Yom Kippur.

If not now, when? What arises when you ask this question? Could it be the image of a friend with you’ve been meaning to reconnect with or a family member with whom you need to reconcile? Or maybe what springs to mind is a long-dormant creative passion, or a yearning to make a difference in the world? If you are younger, are you too busy to fulfill those aspirations? If you are older in years, is there a forsaken dream you have always wanted to do? If not now, when?

A story is told of Rabbi Shneur Zalman, founder of the Chabad branch of Hassidism, back in Eastern Europe and Russia a couple of centuries ago. At one time the Rebbe was jailed on a fabricated charge. The jailer, a man knowledgeable in the Bible, decided that this was his chance to ask a scriptural question that had been bothering him, about the story of Adam and Eve. Right after they eat from the tree of knowledge, they are embarrassed and try to cover up and hide. God calls out to Adam, “Where are you?”              - Why does an omniscient God need to ask that? Didn’t God know where Adam was hiding?

As a typical rabbi, the Rebbe answered the question with a question: “Do you believe that the Scriptures are eternal and that every generation and every person is included in them?” “Yes,” said the jailor.” “Well then,” said the Rabbi, “God calls to every person: ‘Where are you in your world?  God says something like this: ‘You have lived forty-six years. How far along are you?’”

When the jailer heard his own age mentioned, his heart trembled.

The concept that each of us has a calling, a unique purpose and mission in life, is common to many spiritual teachings. Rabbi Nachman of Breslov taught, “The day on which you were created is the day that God decided the world could not continue to be established without you.” Rabbi Joseph Soloveitchik, the father of modern American Orthodoxy, taught that just as Moses was called to his role at the burning bush, so each of us is called to our own shelichut, our unique purpose or mission in the world. This is not about job descriptions or labels, it’s about being most authentically you, sharing your special gifts with the world, to paraphrase Hillel, being for yourself best by being for others. In the words of theologian Frederick Buechner, “The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.”

Some people seem to hear that call loud and clear, for others it’s the process of a lifetime. My friend and colleague Rabbi Naomi Levy, author of Einstein and the Rabbi, explains that we are living in a “Selfie” culture, in which we are encouraged to project a superficial image of ourselves to the world. Instead, she urges us to take a soulfie. We need time away from the busy rush to contemplate our inner lives and reconnect with our souls and our life’s sacred purpose. No time? You have the next 24 hours dedicated to your inner work. Allow this holy day to be your day to take stock of your soul, to look inside and ask if you are living in congruence with your deepest values.

This story of Rabbi Shneur Zalman and the jailor moves me, and not just because of its universal meaning of God asking where we are in our mission in life. It is because the jailor was 46 years old. My father was just 46 when he died in an accident. I was only twenty years old, but since then, I could never take life for granted. Almost all of us will have experiences that show us the fragility of life, confirming that every moment, day and encounter is a gift. But in case we need any reminding, we have these Days of Awe.

Rosh Hashanah is full of birth imagery, (the “birthday of the world,” the Torah readings about births, etc.) while Yom Kippur has been called a rehearsal of death. We refrain from physical pleasures and spend the day in spiritual pursuits. In traditional communities, some even wear a kittel, a shroud. Our prayers recount the uncertainties and brevity of existence with Unteneh Tokef, Yizkor, and the Martyrology. At the end of the day we pour our souls into a final dramatic Shema Yisrael, as we aspire to do at the end of our days.  As Reb Zalman taught, Yom Kippur’s rituals represent a “non-fatal death,” with the final blast of the shofar wailing like a newborn’s cry, signaling our chance to be reborn, to “start a new incarnation” today.

At the least, the Days of Awe were designed to create a sense of urgency, so that we feel a deadline to do more acts of connection, of giving, of inner work “before the gates close.” But when that shofar blows tomorrow night, let’s remember that it wasn’t all about the days between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, but about the days between Yom Kippur and Rosh Hashanah. Can we maintain the urgency of the now* throughout the year?

Bronnie Ware, an Australian hospice nurse, wrote a book about people’s regrets at the end of life. Overall, there were five themes that she heard again and again: 1) “I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.” 2) “I wish I hadn't worked so hard.” 3) “I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.” 4) “I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends,” and 5) “I wish I had let myself be happier.” All of these seem to fall into two main categories that mirror Hillel’s quesitons: living an authentic and joyful life for ourselves, and prioritizing our connection with others, whether family, friends, or community.

 “I wish I had let myself be happier.” That’s a strong one. It’s common to think that happiness lies on the other side of achieving a desired goal: finding a mate, getting fit, career attainment. Wisdom traditions teach us that the key to happiness is really found in being open to what is here and now, the ultimate gift of life itself. As the saying goes, “Every moment of life is a gift. That’s why they call it ‘the present.’”

Here's a mini-meditation on finding happiness that I’ve adapted from one that I heard by Jay Michaelson, a rabbi and meditation teacher. If you want to try it, take a few moments: close your eyes or just soften your gaze. Enjoy a few slow and smooth breaths.

Think of something that would make you truly happy. Something in the realm of possibility, though it doesn’t have to be likely. Allow yourself to feel the longing for it, to recognize what you truly and authentically desire.   - Now imagine for a moment that your wish is fulfilled. You do have the situation that would make you happy. Savor the scene.  - How do you feel now? Put some words to your feelings, such as, joy, contentment, love.

Continue to bask in those wonderful emotions, even as you slowly feel yourself back in the room. Welcome the good feelings in your heart right into your present reality, one in which you may be sad, or lonely, or worried. Because this kind of inner joy can be cultivated to coexist with all of our other emotions. As Jay Michaelson wryly concludes his meditation on happiness, “Go ahead and do a quick check. Is it now? Is it here?” Can we let ourselves be happy? And if not now, when?

“If not now” isn’t only about fulfilling a mission in life. It’s also about living and feeling fully in the present moment now matter what life brings. In the words of Rabbi Shmuly Yanklowitz, "We fulfill sacred missions at times, stumble at other times, and sometimes feel totally lost . . . We are chosen because of our essence, not because of what we achieve. We should be angels on a holy mission. We should also be humans who laugh, cry, love, wonder, persevere, sing and dance." 

Tonight and throughout this Yom Kippur, I invite you to immerse in this sacred time and to take a soul-fie. If you can fast, may it be meaningful. Whether or not you are able to fast physically, you can fast from social media, negativity, gossip. Over the next 24 hours, I hope that you will find time to laugh, cry, love, wonder, and sing with us.

Throughout this sacred day listen for the divine asking you, “Where are you right now?” What can you do now to live a more authentic and connected and even joyful life? What call do you hear to share your gifts with others? What have you been putting off that you might regret, and when will you take action? If not now, when?        ---------Wishing everyone a G’mar Hatimah Tovah, may all be sealed in the Book of Life for a good and sweet year, a year of being true to ourselves and connecting with others. May the time be now.    Amen.

Question to consider: What question came to your mind after the first sentence? And when do you think might be the time?

*In proper context, “the fierce urgency of now,” was a term coined by the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., about the struggle for Civil Rights.