Rabbi's Blog

Hinei mah tov u-mah naim, shevet achim gam yachad..most of us have sung that song from Psalm 133:1 countless times. It means, “Look how good it is for us to be brothers/sisters dwelling together.”

In his book, Relational Judaism, Jewish organizational mayven Ron Wolfson brings an ancient Jewish mystical teaching on this verse: There seems to be an extra word that doesn’t need to be there. We could have just sung, “shevet achim yachad” (meaning “siblings dwelling together”) but we actually say an extra word, “gam yachad,” literally meaning “also together.” What’s with the “also”?

You know that our sages thought every word in Scripture was there for a reason. Accordng to the holy Zohar, the seemingly superfluous word “gam” in this verse means that when we gather together like brothers and sisters, also the Shechinah, the Divine Presence, is here with us, too, every time.

Wolfson writes, “In other words, when we sit as one, when we are not separated from each other, each in our own atomistic bubble, when we truly come together  face-to-face, each of us …a human being fashioned in the  image of God, it is in this relationship, in this “between,” where the Shekhinah—God’s presence—can be found.

Similarly, Israeli Rabbi Ari Hasit shares that the most common Hebrew word for a gathering of people is a “kahal.” The word for a Jewish congregation is Kehilah. To get from Kahal (a mere audience) to Kehilah (a holy community), you need add only two letters in Hebrew: yud and hey, two letters which together spell…Yah, a name of God. A Kehillah is a group of people that invites in the divine presence.

This, my friends, is what I have found at Seaside Jewish Community in my first nine months here, people gathering together for sacred purposes, people finding the holy present between and among us…and this is what I hope to build on with you in the years ahead: a vision of Relational Judaism.

Why a Judaism that is relationship based? First, we all know that community is central to Judaism. That’s why you’re here tonight (or watching our stream). In Judaism, our foundational Torah stories are based in community, be it the Exodus from Egypt, receiving the Torah at Sinai, or creating the first Sanctuary from communal donations.

Rabbinic Judaism built on this togetherness: we require a minyan – a quorum of ten - to say our holiest prayers, witness our life-cycle events, support one another in times of loss. The great sage Hillel said, “Don’t separate yourself from the community.” (Pirke Avot 2:4)

Think back for a moment to your Passover Seder, when you read about the four children: one wise, one wicked, one simple, and one who doesn’t know how to ask. What we sometimes miss is that the so called “wicked” child on Passover is wicked just because he excludes himself from the people. He asks his parent what does all this Passover ritual mean to “you,” implying that it’s meaningful only to you and not to him. The Haggadah describes his attitude as a kofer b’ikar, a heretic, not because he doesn’t believe in God or eschews miracles, but because he separates himself from the community.

Second, Relational Judaism is not only about our history; it’s about our Jewish community today. Relational Judaism recognizes that good PR can get you to notice us, exciting programs can get you in the door…but only strong relationships keep people connected and committed over time.

The good news is that Seaside Jewish Community is already focused on relational Judaism. Bucking national trends for organized religion, we are growing and thriving. We have small groups who meet together to run committees, feed the hungry, rescue food, teach the children, chant and meditate, learn Mussar (ethical development), do interfaith work, walk on the boardwalk, socialize, discuss books, and go bowling, among other things!

As we grow, our happy challenge is to develop and implement a plan to systematically and warmly welcome in newcomers, help them feel deeply connected in deep personal relationships, and enable them grow into leadership. With over 400 households we can create a whole network of groups or havurot that gather in ways that are right for them, be that location, demographics, or interests.

Third, Relational Judaism is a whole orientation of being in community:

Relational Judaism means showing up for one another, being vulnerable, listening, sharing our stories and deepest values with one another.

Relational Judaism is an attitude: that we are all ambassadors of Seaside Jewish Community; we are all welcomers, greeters, friendship makers. It’s coming to these holiday services hoping to meet someone new and help them feel at home.

Relational Judaism is a practice that turns every committee meeting, service, or event into an opportunity for relationship building and engagement.

When I was in graduate school, learning about literary theory, my professor asked me where Jewish texts like the Talmud find meaning. You see, some modern literary critics say that meaning resides in the text itself, while others say the meaning lies with the reader and what they bring to the text. I thought for a moment and said that in Jewish tradition, when we study a text, we find the meaning, not on the page and not just in our own heads, because we almost always learn aloud with a partner, or discussing and debating it with a class or community. In Judaism, we generate meaning between us.

In Judaism, “beynenu,” between us, is a holy place. Relational Judaism, as formulated by Ron Wolfson, offers nine places to nurture stronger and deeper relationships in a Jewish context.

The first four are personal relationships:

Between you and yourself, growing your own Jewish identity.

Between you and your mishpachah – your family

Between you and your chaverim—your friends

And between you and Yiddishkeit - Jewish living and learning

The next four are communal relationships:

Between you and your kehillah, your community, both sacred and secular

Between you and Am Yisrael – the Jewish people everywhere

Between you and the State of Israel

Between you and the Olam - whole world

Finally, encompassing all, there is is our spiritual relationship:

Bayn adam l’Makom—between you and God. However you believe or disbelieve, relational Judaism encourages you to engage and explore that holiest relationship.

Does Relational Judaism mean that we have to agree on everything? Certainly not. Since the days of Hillel and Shammai, Jews have had countless “disagreements for the sake of heaven.” (Even occasionally here at Seaside.) But as Dr. Wolfson writes, “We don’t need to see eye to eye to walk hand in hand, especially when we all work to build a relational community…through relationship building, we can learn to “transcend denominational boundaries, ideological differences, and institutional walls.” Our disagreements can even bring us closer when we have done the work to build strong underlying friendships and commitments.

So how does our holiday motto, “It is not up to you to complete the work, but neither are you free to desist from it” apply here? First, it reminds us that no one person can or should do it alone. For sure, I as the rabbi can’t do it alone! In a community, we are all interdependent and need one another. As my teacher Reb Zalman used to say, “the only way we can get it together…is together!”

At the same time, each of us has unique gifts, talents, and experiences that only we can bring to the community. We can’t just sit back and assume that others will create a thriving congregation for us, but we can find our own special calling and contribute it for the good of all.

So mark your calendars and check your e-blasts: On the evening of Thursday, Nov. 3, I am sponsoring a zoom gathering for our leadership and for ALL interested Seaside members, with Dr. Ron Wolfson. I invite you, whether you are a board member and chair, a long-time member, or someone brand new to our community, to come and learn how you can help grow Relational Judaism at Seaside.

I’ll conclude by quoting from a poem by the late great Rabbi Harold Schulweis, who was a leader in dynamic community building and one of my role models:

To know God is to know others

To love God is to love others

To hear God is to hear others . . .

God in connection

God in the nexus of community

God the betweenness

That binds and hold together.

Alone, in meditation, in private thought

I turn to the memory of betweenness

to the promise of our betweenness.

God not in me or in you or in Him/herself but in betweenness

the evidence of God’s reality and our own.

Amen